Heart of...?

This semester is not shaping up to be what I thought it would.

My Italian class will probably be canceled, pushing me down to 9 units, I am stuck in Heart of Darkness hell in my literary analysis class as we are studying that single book for the entire semester, and I have discovered from about two days in my Reporting Public Affairs class that my knowledge and interest in government affairs is equivalent to my knowledge and interest in organized sports (slim to none).

And I have no energy left to deal with family disasters. This summer was one big terrible mess. The angry emails and screaming matches over the phone were preferable to the fake, fucked up games we're all playing now. I have no energy left to deal with the lies, the denial, the manipulation. I have just enough energy left to force a smile and say a few neutral words to keep me exempt from threats of non-payment. And all that's left is the shell of a relationship, and right now, I’m content with that. Maybe that’s all we can aspire to.

In fact, I haven’t had a single conversation with anyone in this fucking town that extends beyond pleasantries, mild complaints, or school-related topics in god knows how long.

And it's beginning to get easier to bear.